Me and my big mouth!

Yes, I admit it I have a big mouth. I swore and swore the next time I saw him I would not let him know how I was feeling. I was going to pretend that I was strong and I was doing okay. In fact, I was not even going to say anything at all other than what was necessary to not ignore him completely. But as usual, my emotions got the better of me. So like the last 10 times I have seen him, I start out by yelling at him, telling him how much I hate him (which of course is not true). This time at least I didn't throw anything! But then a few minutes later there I go crying, and pleading with him to see reason, to see the hurt he is causing to all those around him. And, like every time I watch him walk away again, and am left drained, depressed, confused and angry. I am fully aware that there is nothing I can say or do to change his heart, but for some reason, I keep doing this. I am not sure what it would look like if he were to come over and I was cold and indifferent. Maybe even ignored him completely. Would that accomplish anything? I just keep feeling like he needs constant reminders of the pain he is choosing to inflict on his family.
But maybe next time I will try being cold and indifferent.